Six things to expect (or not) from counselling sessions

1. Do not expect to become friends with your counsellor

Whilst you will often share some very personal and private information with your counsellor, you will know very little about them. For a positive therapeutic relationship, it needs to be one that its bound by a code of ethics. If you were to become friends with your counsellor it could cause problems within the therapeutic relationship. Your counsellor may disclose a small amount of information about themselves if they consider that it is of benefit to you, but this should be limited. If you find that your counsellor is constantly taking about themselves and their personal life that is not okay. The sessions are about you not your counsellor. The purpose of counselling is to get to know yourself better. Knowing too much about your counsellor could result in you worrying about them or thinking that they have too many issues to be able to help you or you might start to hold back from saying what you need because you are worried that you might upset them.

2. Do not expect to be given advice or be told what to do

I have experienced some clients who want me to tell them what to do to help them solve the issue or problem that they are dealing with. This is despite me explaining to them in the very first session that I will not be giving advice, tell them what to do or attempt to solve their problems. Instead, part of my role is to work with you as the client to help you discover what you need, want or would like to change. Some of the reasons that counsellors do not give advice or solve your problems for you are:

• Advice giving is not actually part of the role of a counsellor. Instead, we work with clients to help them to identify what they need to do. If I provided advice to you I would effectively be telling you that the answers you are looking for are always outside of yourself rather than you being able to find the answers from within.
• We are not experts at life. We are experts in our own lives but if a counsellor were to give you advice that would be based on how they would make decisions and their life experiences. You are the expert of you and are therefore in a much better position to know what the right thing to do is for you. Counselling can help you build trust in your own ability to make choices and do the best thing for you.
• Advice from someone else can also be ignored or you could blame your counsellor if it turns out to be bad advice. This can happen when family and friends give advice. Therefore, making your own decisions enables responsibility and accountability on your part.

3. Do not expect a quick fix

We are very much living in a society which is fast paced, where information is at our fingertips and on demand services are the norm. This fast paced world does not occur in counselling. There are times when just a few sessions of counselling are enough for you to resolve the issue or problem that you sought counselling for. However, it is often the case that counselling is not a quick fix where there is an immediate resolution to all your problems. It is important for you to build a relationship with your counsellor, and them with you, and this may take some time. I sometimes speak to my clients about slowing down the process so that we can really focus on the issues, their thoughts, behaviour, feelings and emotions.

4. Expect to talk about your feelings and emotions

One of the purposes of counselling is to explore your feelings and emotions. If you never get beyond the narrative or story you will never get to process your feelings and emotions. If you do not process your feelings and emotions, you may never resolve the issues that have brought you to counselling, and this will probably limit what you are able to achieve in counselling. Talking about your feelings and emotions can enable you to navigate life better by increasing your self awareness which in turn can help in your interactions with others.

5. Expect to do some hard work outside of the sessions

I think some clients are surprised to learn that most of the hard work happens outside of sessions. This because this is where you put into practice what you have learnt in counselling. Your counsellor is there to support you through the process, but as the client the hard work is yours to do. This can include:

• Thinking about and processing what was talked about during the session.
• Implementing any changes that have come about as a result of what you learnt or discovered during your sessions.
• Do some reading to learn more about the issues you are experiencing. This can help you to feel less alone and provide additional insight and knowledge.
• New habits are formed by practice. If you wish to overcome a pattern of behaviour or a way of thinking that has been established for a long time, new habits will take time to become second nature/automatic.

6. Expect for there to be setbacks

Counselling is not linear – sometimes things can get worse before they get better, you might even go back and forth with these feelings and repeat old habits in times of stress. Setbacks are normal and it does not mean that you are right back at the beginning of your journey. “Trust the process” is a well known saying in counselling. What this means is although you might not always be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel especially when sessions feel hard, you are most of the time heading towards the light. As stated above, counselling takes time and with patience you can make the changes that you want in life. Whilst you working on this try be kind to yourself.

Please get in touch today

If you are interested in having counselling with me, please contact me today. I am contactable via phone, text, WhatsApp or by using my contact form – please click here for my contact page. I look forward to hearing from you and welcoming you to my therapy room on the outskirts of Andover.

14/09/2024